Painful feelings are natural conditions that constantly change from mild to severe. As long as we do not turn them into a personal problem, they have no special meaning for the Citta. Pain itself is just pain, so the Citta can remain unaffected. The physical body is also simply what it is. By itself, it gives no special meaning to feelings or to a self—unless the Citta creates those meanings and then suffers because of them. External conditions are not the true cause of suffering. Only the Citta creates suffering for itself.
When I got up that morning, I felt an indescribable boldness and courage. I was amazed by the nature of what I had experienced because nothing like it had ever happened in my meditation before. The Citta had completely cut off its connection to all external objects and gathered inward with true courage. It entered a majestic stillness because of my careful and thorough investigation. When it withdrew from that state, it was still filled with fearless courage, completely unafraid of death. I now understood the correct methods of investigation, so I knew I would not fear pain the next time it appeared. Pain would still be the same kind of pain. The body would still be the same body. And wisdom would still be the same wisdom I had used before. Because of this understanding, I felt openly fearless toward both pain and death.
Once wisdom clearly understood the true nature of what dies and what does not die, death became something ordinary. Hair, nails, teeth, skin, flesh, and bones eventually return to their original elemental state, which is simply the earth element. Since when has the earth element ever died? When the body breaks apart and decomposes, what does it become? Every part simply returns to its original condition. The earth and water elements return to their natural state, as do the wind and fire elements. Nothing is destroyed. These elements merely come together temporarily to form a body where the Citta takes up residence. The Citta—the great creator of delusion—enters and gives life to this body, then carries the burden by creating a sense of self from it: “This is me. This belongs to me.” By claiming ownership of the body, the Citta gathers endless suffering and burns itself with its own false beliefs.
The real problem is the Citta itself, not the body made of physical elements. The body is not an enemy that constantly threatens us. It is simply a separate reality that naturally changes according to its own conditions. Only when we wrongly identify with it does it become a burden. That is exactly why we suffer from physical pain and discomfort. The body itself does not create suffering; we create the suffering ourselves. I clearly saw that no external condition can truly make us suffer. We misunderstand things, and that misunderstanding creates the fire of pain that burns in the heart.
I understood clearly that nothing truly dies. The Citta certainly does not die. In fact, it becomes even more obvious and clear. The more thoroughly we investigate the four elements and separate them back into their original properties, the more clearly the Citta stands out. So where is death? And what actually dies? The earth, water, wind, and fire elements do not die. And how could the Citta die? It becomes even clearer, more aware, and more insightful. This essential knowing nature never dies, so why is there such fear of death? Because the Citta deceives itself. For countless ages it has tricked itself into believing in death, even though nothing truly dies.
So when pain appears in the body, we must understand that it is simply a feeling and nothing more. Do not make it personal or think that it is happening to “you.” Pain has been part of the body since the day of birth. The pain experienced at the moment of birth was already extremely intense. Human beings are born through suffering. Pain has been there from the very beginning, and it will not change its nature. Physical pain always follows the same pattern: it arises, stays for a short time, and then disappears. Arising, remaining briefly, and disappearing—that is all pain really does.
Investigate painful feelings in the body so you can see them clearly as they truly are. The body is simply a physical form that has existed since birth. But when you believe that you are the body, then when the body hurts, you feel that “you” are hurting. At that point, the body, the pain, and the awareness of them become mixed together into one thing: “my painful body.” Physical pain arises because something in the body is malfunctioning. It depends on the body, but it is not itself a physical object. Awareness of the body and awareness of feelings both depend on the Citta, which knows them. But when the knowing awareness misunderstands them, emotional suffering arises. The pain not only hurts physically, but it also creates fear and worry that something is wrong with “me” or “my body.” Unless these three things—the body, the pain, and the knowing awareness—are clearly separated and understood, physical pain will always create emotional suffering.
The body is simply a physical reality. We may believe many things about it, but those beliefs cannot change the truth. Physical existence is one basic truth. The four elements—earth, water, wind, and fire—come together in a certain form to create what we call a “person.” This physical form may be called male or female and may be given a name and social identity, but in reality it is only a physical heap. All the body’s parts combine together to create this one physical form. Every separate part belongs to the same basic reality. The four elements combine in many ways. In the body we speak of skin, flesh, tendons, bones, and other parts. But do not be fooled into thinking they are separate realities just because they have different names. See them all as one single physical reality.
As for feelings, they exist in their own separate area. They are not part of the body. The body itself is not feeling. It does not directly participate in pain. These two groups—the body and feelings—are easier to observe than memory, thoughts, and consciousness, because memory, thoughts, and consciousness disappear immediately after arising. Feelings, however, remain for a short time before disappearing, making them easier to observe clearly during meditation.
When painful feelings arise, focus directly on them and try to understand their true nature. Face the pain directly. Do not try to escape by shifting attention somewhere else. And do not secretly wish for the pain to disappear. The purpose of investigation is to gain true understanding. Relief from pain is only a side result of clearly understanding the truth. Relief itself should not become the main goal. Otherwise, emotional frustration will arise when the desired relief does not come. Simply enduring pain stubbornly without wisdom will also not work. Neither will focusing only on pain while ignoring the body and the Citta. To gain correct understanding, all three must be included in the investigation. The investigation must always be direct, careful, and purposeful.
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