My choice was Buddho meditation. From the moment I made my decision, I kept my mind from wandering away from the repetition of Buddho. From the time I woke up in the morning until I went to sleep at night, I forced myself to think only of Buddho. At the same time, I stopped worrying about whether my meditation was improving or declining. If my meditation improved, it would improve with Buddho; if it declined, it would decline with Buddho. In either case, Buddho was my only concern. Everything else was unimportant.
Maintaining such one-pointed concentration was not easy. I had to force my mind to stay connected with Buddho every single moment without interruption. Whether I was sitting in meditation, practicing walking meditation, or doing ordinary daily tasks, the word Buddho remained deeply present in my mind at all times. By nature, I was always very determined and uncompromising, and this helped my practice greatly. In the end, my commitment became so strong that nothing could weaken my determination; no wandering thought could separate my mind from Buddho.
As I practiced like this day after day, I always made sure that Buddho stayed closely connected with my present-moment awareness. Soon, I clearly experienced calmness and concentration arising within the Citta, the mind’s essential knowing nature. At that stage, I began to see the extremely subtle and refined nature of the Citta. The longer I absorbed myself in Buddho, the more subtle the Citta became, until eventually the subtlety of Buddho and the subtlety of the Citta merged together and became one single knowing essence. I could no longer separate Buddho from the subtle nature of the Citta. No matter how hard I tried, I could not make the word Buddho appear clearly in my mind anymore. Through continuous effort and perseverance, Buddho had become completely united with the Citta, so Buddho itself no longer appeared separately in awareness. The mind became so calm, still, and subtle that nothing remained there—not even Buddho. This state was similar to the stage where the breath becomes so refined that it disappears from awareness.
When this happened, I felt confused. My entire practice had depended on holding firmly to Buddho. Now that Buddho was no longer appearing, I did not know where to place my attention. Up to that point, Buddho had been my foundation. Now it had vanished. No matter how hard I tried to bring it back, I could not recover it. I was uncertain and puzzled. All that remained was the deeply subtle knowing nature of the Citta—a pure, simple, bright, and clear awareness. There was nothing solid or concrete within that awareness for me to hold onto.
At that moment, I understood that nothing enters the field of awareness when consciousness reaches such a deep and subtle condition. I had only one choice left: since Buddho had disappeared, I had to focus on the essential knowing awareness that remained fully present and obvious at that moment. That consciousness had not disappeared at all; in fact, it filled everything. All the mindfulness that had previously focused on repeating Buddho was redirected toward the subtle knowing presence of the calm and unified Citta. I kept my attention firmly fixed on that subtle knowing essence until eventually its strong clarity began to fade, allowing normal awareness to return once again. As ordinary awareness returned, Buddho naturally appeared again. I immediately brought my attention back to the repetition of Buddho. Before long, my daily practice developed a new rhythm: I concentrated deeply on Buddho until consciousness entered the bright and clear state of the Citta’s essential knowing nature. I remained absorbed in that subtle awareness until normal consciousness returned, and then I focused again with even stronger determination on the repetition of Buddho.
It was during this period that I first established a strong spiritual foundation in meditation. From then onward, my practice steadily progressed and never declined again. Day by day, my mind became more peaceful, calm, and concentrated. The instability that had troubled me for so long completely disappeared. Concerns about whether my practice was progressing or declining were replaced by mindfulness firmly rooted in the present moment. The strength of this mindfulness was so powerful that thoughts about the past or future could no longer enter the mind. My entire focus remained in the present moment—each silent repetition of Buddho as it appeared and disappeared. I had no interest in anything else. Eventually, I became convinced that the reason my mind had previously been unstable was because I lacked mindfulness from not using a meditation word as a firm anchor. Before that, I had only focused on a general sense of inner awareness without a clear object, allowing thoughts to easily invade and distract the mind.
Once I understood the correct method for this beginning stage of meditation, I dedicated myself to the practice so completely that I refused to let mindfulness weaken even for a single moment. From the time I woke up in the morning until I fell asleep at night, I remained consciously aware of my meditation throughout every moment of the day. It was an extremely difficult training that required the highest level of concentration and endurance. I could not relax my mindfulness even briefly. Because I was so deeply focused on internalizing Buddho, I barely noticed what was happening around me. My ordinary daily activities seemed blurred and unclear, but Buddho always remained sharp and distinct in my awareness. My dedication to the meditation word was absolute. With this strong foundation supporting my practice, calmness and concentration became so firm and steady that they felt solid like a mountain.
Eventually, this unshakable state of mind itself became the main focus of mindfulness. As the Citta gained greater inner stability and unity, the meditation word Buddho gradually faded from awareness, leaving only the calm and concentrated knowing nature of the mind standing out clearly on its own. By this stage, the mind had entered a deeply concentrated state of focused awareness that seemed to exist independently without relying on any meditation method. Completely calm and unified, the knowing presence itself became the sole object of attention. This state of mind was so strong and powerful that nothing else could arise to disturb it. This is known as the mind remaining in continuous concentration. In other words, the Citta itself had become completely unified in concentration.
Speaking more deeply about meditation practice, there is an important difference between temporary meditative calm and a continuous state of concentration. When the mind gathers itself and enters a calm and concentrated condition for a period of time before returning to ordinary awareness, this is called meditative calm. The calmness and concentration last only while the mind remains absorbed in that peaceful state. Once ordinary awareness returns, those special conditions slowly fade away. However, as meditators become more skilled at entering and leaving this calm and unified condition again and again, the mind gradually builds a strong and stable inner foundation. When this foundation becomes completely unshakable in every situation, the mind is said to have entered a continuous state of concentration. At that point, even after the mind leaves deep meditative calm, it still feels solid, steady, and inwardly focused, as though nothing can disturb it.
The Citta that remains continuously unified in concentration is always balanced and undisturbed. It feels completely full and satisfied. Because of this strong sense of inner unity and concentration, ordinary thoughts and emotions no longer have any effect on the mind. In such a condition, the mind no longer wants to think about anything. Completely peaceful and content within itself, it feels that nothing is missing.
In this continuous state of calmness and concentration, the Citta becomes extremely powerful. Previously, the mind constantly craved thoughts and emotions, but now it sees them as bothersome disturbances. Before this, the mind was so restless that it could not stop thinking and imagining even if it wanted to. Now, with concentration as its normal condition, the mind has no desire to think at all. It sees thinking as something unnecessary and disturbing. When the Citta’s essential knowing nature stands out clearly all the time, the mind becomes so deeply inwardly focused that it cannot tolerate disturbances. Because of this deep peace and the tendency of concentration to lull the mind into such satisfying tranquility, people who attain this continuous concentrated state often become strongly attached to it. This attachment continues until they reach a higher stage of practice where wisdom becomes dominant and brings even greater fulfillment.
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